In 2022 we were treated to a return to a classic. A Christmas Story Christmas brought back as many of the original cast members of A Christmas Story as they could. By focusing on a grown up Ralphie, this legacy sequel was able to tap back into the nostalgia of the original while still remaining relevant by reminding us that Christmas isn't just a magical time for children; sometimes adults need to be reminded of the Christmas spirit. And due to that heart, the film turned out better than I expected. But did you know that back in 2012, we were treated to an original direct sequel A Christmas Story 2?
2012 isn't exactly nipping at the heels of 1983, so when it came straight to DVD, I huffed it off as a terrible direct-to-video sequel that was simply made to cash in on the nostalgia of the original. But, in keeping with my now yearly tradition of visiting the Parker family each holiday with a case of Karbach Yule Shoot Your Eye Out, the time has finally come for me to watch this direct-to-the-trash-can follow-up to the original Christmas classic. Will I even be able to drink enough to make it through this garbage?
We're about to find out! Welcome to...
A Christmas Story Christmas 2 - TRASH... ED!
We pick up 6 years later and Ralphie is BLONDE?? Seriously he's like platinum blonde. The kid looks enough like Ralphie, but why is he SOOOOO blonde.
At least Randy is a Buck Rogers fan, that’s fun.
The mom in this is an awful actress, sorry but right off the bat with her yelling. It's bad.
Wait why is Daniel Stern the dad? I love him, but he looks YOUNGER than the Old Man in the original. You can tell he isn’t exactly pleased to be here. I'm so sorry, Daniel.
These kids are trying so hard it hurts me.
This whole movie has a cheap direct-to-dvd feeling. I mean, it was, but you can just SEE the lack of quality.
OUCH.
At least the narrator is trying. Wait, the narrator is also the writer?!? Oh and this was his first writing credit. Yeah that makes sense.
Oh, we’re bringing in high school crushes and football players? I can already tell where this is going.
At least the Nazi fantasy is mildly amusing. Mildly might be too nice.
Yo Ralphie being a creep on Drucilla during band practice. Wait, is he getting off crashing those symbols???
I need another drink. This is going to get rough.
That car is pretty cherry. There's at least that.
Where the hell did the giant Reindeer come from? You did a terrible job of estblishing that cable was going to snap
OMG 85 dollars?!?!? For a top?? Let’s see what that translates to in 2023 money:
HOLY CRAP $1,386!!!
The acting and directing in this hurt me. The scene where Ralphie asks his dad for money is soooo cringe
Speaking of cringy, the constant string of “old timy” saying that The Old Man keeps sayng are terrible
“Twelve hours a day I can’t wait!” Was the worst read ever
The fantasie lost their shimmmer and quality that makes them differrent. Visually there is no different betven the fantasies and realiy
I get thatthe gag is that things contantly changin and going up in price, but hearing dad complain abut theturke being .46 a pound actually hurts me nw.
Wait whatwa the budget for tis fiilm? It took a lot to dres this town lke the 40s and I think there are ven some cg shoots of the buildings
The wrappped a baby. Thats funny
Ralhie practcing taking a bra off a mannequin. This is painful. Time to crack open another beer to wash hiscrap down
Did the writer thnk all these Ggags atthe depatment store er funny? Tese hurt
Oh no. They usd a cartoon sund effet
Nonef these jokes work. It just not funy atall
Now they’re going ice fishing.This is sooooo exciting.
Love his movie. Its soooooo funny. Ho about hat Florida joke huh?
What is thepoint of th runnin story with dad savig money if heis constant right? Oh they had a joke about smal claim court. I guess itgoes wrong? If something was to o wrog why didt tey just showit instead f telling us “it’ll go rong evntually”
Oh God Flik ggettg his tonge and lips stuck the tub. Barrrrf
And now e go back toSanta. OMG that Gag about his wife. Wooooow. Thathurtm
This ovie feel like it 12 weeks long! Tim for nother beer..!!
I gss th joke with the dentit iMedicare in the 40s was garbage? But it’s just ba.
Why s Santa just an asshole inthis?
Oh boy owwere fihting Sata. And fgting wih each other. Wow this movies tring so hard ad failing so badly. None of thisis funny anyet they keep inisting that these are jokes you’re watching.
Ok moomis final caling da out on skimping erywhere. Mom swearing adad is te oly genuinemoment in tis entie fil
The ongood thing hey don this whol this recreate the 40s
WAT THEEVER LOVNG FUCK IS GING ON WITH TIS RENDEER OUTFITAND HY IS IT VAUGLY BDSM?!?!
Ohyeah,,, I guess the miovie forgoot that there was a girl involved. There is no chemistry. The girl hasn’t even talked to him this whole time. It’s simply his side of the fantasy
I gueess theguy s coool wit him not aying him bacck.
Nowit’s a sailor’s outfit? Anthervaguely sexal oufit?!?!? Oh GHod andit’s or Randy?? He’s evn youngr!
What iswith th movie????
Oh hegot him the lamp Ok tha probaby the oly good jjoke i the hole mvie
Ad dad got im the cr!?
And the gir wants him??? WHY? Whatdid he do??
He didn’t doanyting ithi movi!!!!. Everything is ust hande to him a th end!!!!!
I' DRUNNNNNNK AD IM PISSSSSSD!!!!!!
THISIS BULLSHIT!
Now that I've sobered up, I can tell you that A Christmas Story 2 might be the worst Christmas movie I've ever seen. Yes, even worse than Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure. It is a vain attempt to cash in on the nostalgia of the original without caring enough to create a heartfelt story. Instead, the writer crammed as many "jokes" (and I use that term lightly) as they can and hope you don't care enough to notice how bad the quality is. But really, how can you not notice? Avoid this film at all costs.
2/10
But don't let this film ruin your holiday season! Watch something better, and enjoy time with your family.
