In Defense of The Basic Fall B**ch

When it comes to fall there's two two types of people. Firstly, there's The Halloweeners. The Spoopy Ones. The dark twisted emo freaks who are only in it for the scary szn vibes. Then, there's....them. We all know them. The Basic Fall B**ches (not gender specific, btw). Their flannel shirts and seasonal Starbucks cups are already littering our instagram feeds. They take the first fallen leaf as an invitation from the heavens to bust out their Ugg boots and take to the streets turning every cup of tea into a mandatory photo shoot. They are the scourge of the earth. Or are they? I'm about to lay out the 4 staples of the Basic Fall B**ch and genuinely ask myself if their just might be a method to their autumnal madness.





1. Ugg Boots


The Ugg Boot is the footwear of choice for the Basic Fall B**ch and also served as the gateway drug for my foray into this ultra-basic world. On the surface, they're hideous. Paired with a black pair of leggings, any person wearing them looks like they're morphing into a horse. But have you tried them on? These things are clouds. The level of comfort I felt when I "ironically" slipped on a pair two years ago, is a high I've been chasing ever since. If you've worn a pair and still hate them, you're lying to yourself.


2. The Flannel


This one is a gimme for the ordinary community. The flannel has been totally appropriated from grunge culture and as such gets a pass...but it's a cheap win.


3. Pumpkin/Apple Picking


Pumpkin patches and apple orchards are fun as sh*t. I can't even pretend to attack this one. If you haven't picked a granny smith off a tree, cleaned it off on your shirt, and bitten into it, you've never REALLY eaten an apple. And don't get me started on the joy of making a pumpkin pie, from a pumpkin you picked yourself. However, if for one second, you think that turning what should be a wholesome experience into some kind of stressed out, desperate photoshoot, you are the problem, and you don't deserve a camera or cell-phone.

2. Pumpkin Spice


You knew it was coming. The pinnacle of basic behavior is ordering a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Its so basic its become more than a meme. Pumpkin Spice is a religion, and you either worship at the altar or you're a dirty heretic. I always considered myself the latter...until I actually tried one. Its like liquid pumpkin pie. I love pumpkin pie. Sure, they're sweet garbage and no substitution at all for a classic cup ' joe, but if you've ever enjoyed a chai or mocha latte, you'd probably like this drink.



So there you go...I can't believe I'm saying it, but leave basic people alone! They're mostly harmless and I guarantee you they're living more fulfilled lives than my cynical ass is. I most certainly won't be trading in my Jack Skellington mask for a crocheted scarf anytime soon...but you just might catch me walking around my house in a healthy pair of Uggs.


© 2020 by The Holy Goof Productions Email: holygoofproductions@gmail.com